Mommy, you’re a really good servant…

The other day, my 6-year-old daughter said to me as I served her dinner, “Mommy,…you’re a really good servant.”

“Excuse me?” I scoffed.
Although she said it endearingly, I took it as a low-blow.  Here I was trying to be all Martha-Stewartesque, and she was calling me “the help.”

Most of the time, I’m busy enough with our half a dozen kids and farm-wife duties that I don’t really take time to ponder the bigger issues in life.  I am doing well to get in some Bible and prayer time, make a meal or two, and get laundry folded.  If I return half of my texts or open a third of my emails, it’s a good day.

But once in awhile, I have a little quiet time to myself.  And instead of making a phone call, or reading a book, or opening up my laptop, I just sit and think.  It’s a rare occasion, I tell you…I am not good at not being busy.  But when this happens, it seems like -without fail- God speaks.  Why I don’t do it more often is beyond me.

I sat, after that low-blow, and wondered, “Why am I here?”…”What is the purpose of my life?”….

Deep, I know.  {It looks more corny…and dramatic…in black and white than it sounded in my head.}

I know these are cliche, rhetorical questions, and there are plenty of cliche answers… none of which am I going to list.

I think I battle with these questions in a uniquely sensitive way because I am a stay-at-home mom.  I know we all question our reason for existence in varying degrees.   For me, as a “good mommy~servant,”  there are many monotonous days that seem to be on “repeat” in which it feels like…literally…I accomplish nothing.  I end right back where I began.  It’s a bit like treading water… always moving, but never getting anywhere.

I think about the people who get to say, “I’m an attorney,” or “I’m a physician,”  or “I’m a therapist.”  At varying times in my life, I aspired to be such things.  To be honest, I’m still envious of those who get to introduce themselves in these ways, because when I meet someone for the first time, I’m quietly hoping they won’t ask what I “do.”  I’ve never quite articulated it well enough…”I produce and care for small humans,”…no…”I am a domestic engineer,”…no…”I am a household manager,”…no.  It usually just comes out something like, “I get to stay home with my kids,” ( because making it sound like a privilege makes it more prestigious, right??).

Tonight, I’m sitting here in the quiet thinking about how Jesus feels about this.  Knowing with confidence that I’m doing what I feel deeply called to do, but never feeling like it’s enough.  Like His priorities for my life are sub-par.  Like shaping the lives of my children isn’t a worthwhile venture.  Like there is anything in the world more important than investing in my family. How does He feel when I reduce it to an embarrassment, primarily because there is no paycheck attached?

I’m reminded of a King.

One who was over-qualified to be a carpenter.  But He bent down.  He made Himself nothing, so that He could fulfill His “purpose.”  He spent his time with outcasts.  Washed the feet of those who would betray Him.  Touched those who were unclean  and diseased, and healed them.  He noticed the children, and invited them to come near.  I wonder if, in doing this, He hoped we would catch on…

The Maker of the world, who had every right to be admired, esteemed, and worshiped, said, “I came not to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many,” (Matthew 20:28).  He also said, “The greatest among you will be your servant,” (Matthew 23:11).

My prayer for myself, and for all the other mommas out there who feel like you’re not enough… that we would see, feel, and know this to our deepest core:

If we are living to serve, we are truly living.

If we are investing in people, we are spending our time well.  If we are giving to those who have less, or even those who have more, our efforts are not in vain.  We are carrying the baton that Jesus Himself passed on, and there is absolutely no title that is greater in God’s kingdom than “servant.”